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URL: http://riceornot.ricecop.com/?auto=91046
Submitted by: Adambomb
Comments: 16  (Read/Post)     Favorites: 1  (View)
Submitted on: 07-20-2014
View Stats Category: Truck
Ye bro truck of the day


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7-20-2014 @ 06:59:49 PM
Posted By : Obsidian Reply | Edit | Del
Saw a douche truck pulled over on the highway on Friday. The diff U-joint took a shit and the driveshaft was laying limp on the ground like a deflated erection that preceeded a ruined long weekend.

Well - you spend as much on a truck a truck - you can pay for the expenses parts - labour - and ruined weekends.

7-20-2014 @ 07:18:22 PM
Posted By : Low-Tech Redneck Reply | Edit | Del
#1, Considering how many of these we repo, you actually probably CAN'T pay for parts, labour, and ruined weekends after you've blown it all on those RIMZ.

We've had trucks that couldn't fit on the transport trucks that take them away to auction until we deflated the tires.....

7-20-2014 @ 09:33:10 PM
Posted By : Obsidian Reply | Edit | Del
#2, The desire to be different - the bad kind of different known as alienation.

Does anyone in my generation know how to save money and not spend it on trivial shit? What public image was the owner trying to project? I don't see post-secondary anywhere on this thing - or the absence of creditor notices.

I can see a "Yeah - mah buddys got a Titan crewcab - but he just does lawnmow - I mean landscaping. I keep telling him he'd look badass with a 1.5' lift - but he don't wana because hes pussywhipped."

Lastly - with my psychic powers - I can see a burgeoning parts list of things that will get done "next summer" - because the owner really believes he can keep this flimsy boondoggling charade going for another 5 years - because by then he thinks can find a used Raptor for under $10,000.

Riding high and stretched thin. The breaking point of the douche truck owner is measured in months - and there is no pride in the expectations of public adulation when boasting about having "invested over $15,000" on your 20 year old CK; fishing for compliments that serve as a weak bandaid on the gapping wound of gross fiscal irresponsibility. Who's going to pat you on the back for that?

"Mah bros! That's what bros are for man! They know what it means to drive a lifted truck!"

[Edited by Obsidian on 7-20-2014 @ 09:35:44 PM]

7-20-2014 @ 10:48:35 PM
Posted By : Low-Tech Redneck Reply | Edit | Del
#3, You're sure to get high-fives from all your other bros! But it's hard to tell if they're high-fiving you for the truck, or that totally awesome "breast meat" joke you just made for the 500th time while working with them on the prep line at the KFC... and if it weren't for your douche of a manager who insists you not take 32 smoke breaks a shift, you'd be RUNNING that place, bro!

[Edited by Low-Tech Redneck on 7-20-2014 @ 10:48:56 PM]

7-20-2014 @ 10:54:48 PM
Posted By : Low-Tech Redneck Reply | Edit | Del
#3, I honestly don't think it's a desire to be different.

Ironically, stuff like this, I believe to be a result of a need to overstate their normalcy for fear of being thought different from "true" guys.

This is nothing but the physical manifestation of someone trying to overstate their red-blooded, God-fearing, right-thinking, hard-working, ready-for-anything, macho and definitely-NOT-a-FAG, 'murrican (Where Applicable), MALENESS!!!

ANd ironically, in the process, only prove how sorry, immature, ignorant, unable to plan, unable to meet obligations and, utterly POWERLESS they really are in the face of Da Man (tm). While the nerds they so eagerly beat on in high school drive by them in BMWs.... which just proves how the world doesn't respect the simple workin' man like them no more.... and as they type their nightly Facebook tirades through beer-scented tears about how "real men" like them are a dying breed, we can only wonder why they don't get it.

[Edited by Low-Tech Redneck on 7-20-2014 @ 10:59:31 PM]

7-21-2014 @ 11:07:21 PM
Posted By : Obsidian Reply | Edit | Del
#5, They don't "get it" because they're too busy embodying "maleness"; in whatever far-flung and contrived way they can.

I've done the whole "workin' man" thing. I sweat and bled my way to paycheques to get to where I am. The only thing that I didn't do was fall into the easy and well illustrated trappings of the working man: long hours at titty bars - 24's of cheap beer - douche trucks - smokes - Doritos - and scratch tickets.

It might have something to do with my insular and withdrawn demeanor from 15 years ago. I just never saw the reason to let it all hang out; to loudly beat my chest and to let my dick do all the thinking. Youth was a limited time offer and depending on how much you wanted to prove to the world that you were a man - you could throw away your youth with a bastard child - drug convictions - the dark bruises of the fights you've won - the dead end job - the humid and urine scented 3rd floor apartment - the tired and abused Civic DX - the severed relations of your immediates - and your tribal and Celtic knot tats.

I likely trampling on the flowers of the self-styled working man's garden having come from the same roots. I still have the scars and cuts and weathered palms to show for it. The differnce is that the self-styled working man is living for the momment. There is no long term satisfaction to plan for, or vicarious experiences to dream and think of. "I want that duck camo vinyl wrap on my rocker pannels".

I'm not saying that I'm a "real man" in light of whatever qualities can be filtered out of mess of the "mens rights movement". I'm just saying I'm a man who didn't get into a ceaseless dick-waving contest with the world to prove my 'maleness' that ultimately won't mean shit to anyone but those doing the dick-waving.

You lose by proclaiming yourself a winner.

[Edited by Obsidian on 7-21-2014 @ 11:08:43 PM]

7-21-2014 @ 11:09:06 PM
Posted By : ricerocketboy Reply | Edit | Del
I favorited this only for the thread.

7-25-2014 @ 07:17:12 PM
Posted By : Low-Tech Redneck Reply | Edit | Del
#6, And the harder they try to win by force... the worse the failure....

Wave yer dick at me all you like, Bro, unless you have $130, cash, to pay for being illegally parked, your truck is leaving with me and you can pick it up at the shop.

And you'll also probably fail to find the impound lot in the back the first two times we send you around, first time because you stomped out the door before we told you which way to turn, and second time because you couldn't follow simple directions and were found yelling "HEy! I WANT MY F*CKIN' TRUCK!!!!" pounding on the brown roll-up garage door to the bodyshop's paint booth (the first one you encounter after leaving the office) instead of the "green metal gate" we told you to actually walk to.

Way to fight the good fight against Da Man (tm) there, bro!

8-10-2014 @ 06:44:22 PM
Posted By : Obsidian Reply | Edit | Del
#8, Hey! I get MY way by yelling and screaming! When I say "I WANT MY FUCKING TRUCK!!!" - I want you to stop what you're doing and listen to my demands!

I know how the world works! I'm 24 years old and I'm going to retire at 35 as a millionaire car detailer! My truck with mods costs more than you make in a year! I could call my bros to come down here and fuck you up - faggot!

8-10-2014 @ 07:13:33 PM
Posted By : Low-Tech Redneck Reply | Edit | Del
#9, Do tell, do tell.

And if you're so super-smart, Bro, why did you just go on that tirade in front of that cop who was idling by the stop sign out front because he likes to catch speeders on our street, and just saw everything you just did? Including the profanity and threats to inure?

Granted it was night time, but even by the time I turned 15, I knew what the headlight/parking light pattern to the Ford Crown Vic, Chevy Caprice AND Dodge Diplomat looked like in the dark... and was sure to look around for them first before I did anything even quasi-illegal...

Eh, just another case of Da Man (tm) keepin' you down, right?

I'd expect to see it come across your Twitter feed, if Verizon hadn't bricked your phone this week because you reported it stolen to dodge the bill.

[Edited by Low-Tech Redneck on 8-10-2014 @ 07:17:49 PM]

8-10-2014 @ 07:38:32 PM
Posted By : DiRF  Reply | Edit | Del
#10, Verizon? That's giving them a bit too much credit of financial stability... I'd guess more along the lines of Boost Mobile... uh, dawg.

8-10-2014 @ 07:51:29 PM
Posted By : Obsidian Reply | Edit | Del
#10, I could keep it going - but ad libbing a dude bro isn't easy - and it loses it impact when you realize the above setting involves lots of on the fly - turning-the-air-blue intimation.

Intimidation. Because you know he doesn't have the financial means to get either her truck out of impound or his phone bill paid - so rather than rationalizing and prioritizing his needs versus his wants - the easiest and only way he knows how to get things done is to act hard. Hey - it's almost as good as having a lengthy criminal record; people respect you more if don't take shit from pussies!

"But ya gotta do what you gotta do! This country is going down the toilet - and pussies like you are the first to get the shit beat out of them when the commies come!"

Or is the muslims? Or the blacks? Or the black commie muslims? I don't know anymore. Every other week - the dude bro seems to have a new easily identifiable hate figure to pin their anger on; their wagon hitched to a frail understanding of politics.

[Edited by Obsidian on 8-10-2014 @ 07:53:13 PM]

8-10-2014 @ 07:57:02 PM
Posted By : DiRF  Reply | Edit | Del
#12, Commie-Nazis! They're trying to steal the Unicef pennies!

8-10-2014 @ 08:23:49 PM
Posted By : Low-Tech Redneck Reply | Edit | Del
#13, Actually, the modern Bro probably doesn't even know what a "commie" is, he just knows it's a guy his Dad seems to rant about frequently from the beer-stained lounge chair he rarely leaves. Along with that "Jimmy Cart-something" guy. Whoever he is. Bro's Dad still thinks he should be shot for treason, because he gave the Panama Canal back to, ya know, Panama? Oh, and bro-dad also argues for immediate military action against everyone who dares diss' Uncle Sam, even though his time in the army was marked by constant disciplinary issues and a tendency to hug barbed wire if it looked like he was about to be deployed.

Too bad for Bro, anti-pussy behavior is only impressive to..... OTHER anti-pussies.

[Edited by Low-Tech Redneck on 8-10-2014 @ 08:27:56 PM]

8-14-2014 @ 10:13:12 PM
Posted By : Low-Tech Redneck Reply | Edit | Del
In much the same way I broke down the common classes of stupid pedestrian:


I feel it may be time to embark on a similar project to break down the different classes of "Bro", since that word itself covers a lot of repugnant and troglodyte-ish "Bro" behaviors, but, no one Bro exhibits them all.

Like the "Gun Bro", who thinks anyone who doesn't conceal carry while grocery shopping is a pussy, and claims he can get shot patterns under a quarter at 50 yards, because he did it in Call of Duty once...

"Gym Bro", who's favorite drink is "protein" and hangs out at Cross Fit every second he's not at work, but never seems to benefit....

"Real Murrican' Bro" Jacked up truck, jacked up attitude, jacked up teeth (*shudder*) and thought Red Dawn was a documentary....

11-01-2014 @ 01:01:30 AM
Posted By : ricerocketboy Reply | Edit | Del
#15, XD.

But where do the Guido bros come in, or are they a different breed entirely? What about juggalo-bros? Do they warrant a new class, too?

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