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URL: http://riceornot.ricecop.com/?auto=92515
Submitted by: ricerocketboy
Comments: 11  (Read/Post)     Favorites: 0  (View)
Submitted on: 02-13-2015
View Stats Category: Car
Dodge Dart ricer. I thought this trend of textbook rice had died already.
Yes, that is an SRT4 badge. :/


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2-13-2015 @ 05:37:53 PM
Posted By : Obsidian Reply | Edit | Del
It's the living wet-dream of a defeated Mitsubishi fanboy.

It's the early/mid-2000's - and Mitsubishi is by far and away the most coolest automaker on the planet. You've said "screw college" and decided to become a professional illegal street racer - and your used Lancer will make it happen. Those loser ricecops won't stop you and your dreams with a reminder of reality - because if Paul Walker can make it happen - then by god you'll make too!

A year after your personal proclamation - the Lancer's power locks started giving up and soon after you clipped the tail end of garbage truck doing its night rounds. Write off.

Mom and dad weren't going to pay for new Lancer - and your 3-month pregnant girlfriend father has "politely" kicked both of you off his property. But your street racing dreams are far from dead. Whatever car you get will have to do double-duty. Family car by day. Street terror by night. An Echo sedan.

A decade has past. You've been through 2 more cars - all of which never really got past the stick-on vents and painted interior trim pieces. The girl and the baby are long gone - and with that a percentage for child support.

With no marketable skills and the original TF&TF DVD in hand, the only thing left is to re-live the past the same way Babyboomers do; in a faded and hazy memory of life only as they THINK they can remember, not how it really was.

But the new girlfriend went to a fly-by-night college and has an interior decorating diploma. Of this, you've siphoned off a small percentage of the disposable income she brings in to build a parts pile. You're so diluted, you're calling it your 'race fund'; the starting point of your street-racing rebirth.

The Dart's her car. You've hung many hollow promises of going back to school on her as you can. She's not that stupid. Because she owns it, she's the only driver listed on the insurance. 'Sweet nothings' get whispered, and through a lengthy process of begging and pleading, she calls the insurance company and gets the policy changed under the promise of you returning to school in September.

JACKPOT! You're back in the game!

[Edited by Obsidian on 2-13-2015 @ 05:42:10 PM]

2-13-2015 @ 05:45:34 PM
Posted By : Obsidian Reply | Edit | Del
#1, Fucking 5 min rule. "She's NOT that stupid."

2-13-2015 @ 06:38:17 PM
Posted By : DiRF  Reply | Edit | Del
#2, *lurches over*

You rang?

2-13-2015 @ 07:04:33 PM
Posted By : Low-Tech Redneck Reply | Edit | Del
#1, Spot on.

BTW: The other two cars he's totaled besides the Echo and the Lancer were a Plymouth Neon Coupe and a Protege Wagon, and the bitch-ass tow truck driver he called after he smashed the Protege had the NERVE to call the cops on him because he took out that stop sign in the process of hopping the curb an knocking that chunk out of the right rear rim. Nosey busybody! C'mon, it was CITY property man, not like anyone OWNED it, that bullshit about "reportable accidents" sounded made up! No tip for THAT guy and that's the LAST Time he uses THAT towing service (willingly, the Neon was towed three times for illegal parking before it rusted to the point it wouldn't pass inspections)

2-13-2015 @ 09:53:28 PM
Posted By : ricerocketboy Reply | Edit | Del
#4, Hahahaha.....

You just described the vast majority of Neons still left here.

2-15-2015 @ 04:24:21 PM
Posted By : Obsidian Reply | Edit | Del
#3, Thank you Lurch. Could you tell Thing he owes me a handjob?

2-15-2015 @ 04:27:02 PM
Posted By : DiRF  Reply | Edit | Del
#6, http://youtu.be/xCc-RWIp7XU

2-15-2015 @ 04:49:35 PM
Posted By : Obsidian Reply | Edit | Del
#4, But all that shit is in the past. With the Dart - he's serious. This isn't a kids game anymore now that he's on the threshold of his 30's. He needs to rebuild his reputation after the stop sign incident; to bury the past.

That fucking tow truck driver is still in town. You'd think after 10 or so years that he would have had some gastro-intestinal disorder that would have made him quit. Nope - he's still 'illegally' towing people and acting like he's a cop. Dumbass.

Occasionally - the ricer will see him driving about and will sneer at him and give the finger. Tow-guy doesn't even notice or even care who the ricer is, and that a long-standing grudge is boiling within him. It shows what kind of a 'scared pussy faggot' he is; won't even make eye-contact with the most daring street-racer this town has ever known...at least in the last few years.

He'll get even with the tow-guy - along with everyone else who stood in his way of being a 'professional illegal street racer'. For now - cold and angry sneering from afar will let everyone know he's not to be fucked with.

[Edited by Obsidian on 2-15-2015 @ 04:49:45 PM]

2-15-2015 @ 04:50:56 PM
Posted By : ricerocketboy Reply | Edit | Del
#8, holy shit.


That was gold.

2-15-2015 @ 08:57:54 PM
Posted By : Low-Tech Redneck Reply | Edit | Del
#8, And while he's formulating his plans for revenge, the Dart got it's first tow for illegal parking.

Well, that bullshit made-up illegal parking stuff they scam you for. The sign says "Customer Parking Only" and since he shopped at that plaza once, in 1999, when there was still a Radio Shack there, that means he's STILL a customer dammit! So what if he went across the road to his friend's apartment block (the cheap creepy ones that look like a cross between a federal penitentiary and a circa 1980's McDonalds restaurant and has at least one meth-related bust every 6 months) for the night?

Once he's made it big in the racing profession, first thing he's going to do is BUY that tow company and FIRE that guy!!! And he'll be SORRY! He posted so on his FB page... or would have, if he hadn't lost his WiFi connection in mid-post when his friend's "network" was shut down when the guy in the apartment next door figured out he was being leeched off of and passworded it.

[Edited by Low-Tech Redneck on 2-15-2015 @ 09:02:17 PM]

2-16-2015 @ 06:58:59 PM
Posted By : Obsidian Reply | Edit | Del
#10, "I'm not going."


"I said I'm not going down there. Is that also a problem for you now?!"

"Justin, YOU were driving the car yesterday! YOU got ticketed for parking in that parking lot. YOU are going to go to the impound yard, and YOU are going to pay the fee AND the fine!"

"I was customer! I was going to go to the Subway after I visited Jared. We were gonna smoke and watch Tokyo Drift."

"That doesn't matter! I need the car to drive to work at the Depot tomorrow."

"It's not even my car! I shouldn't have to pay for anything."


"Well it's your car, right?"


"If I don't own the car, I can't be held responsible for the cost of using it. I think there's something about that in the Constitution, Ashley, something about 'punishment without representation'. Something this country was founded on!"

"....(oh my fuck)"

"Yeah. So even the Founding Fathers knew shit like that is wrong, and they didn't even have cars back then, or tow-dicks acting like cops!"

"...So I take it you're not going to school in September?"

"I AM going for that graphic design course. I just gotta wait for that course counsellor to text me, and find out what kind of portfolio they want."


"I mean I have some killer notebook sketches from back in the day for some vinyl car graphics. I mean that's primo stuff right there, babe. They'll definitely let me with those. And I can always uses my Dragon Ball Z inspired stuff; it's Japanese. They'll love it."

[Edited by Obsidian on 2-16-2015 @ 07:01:53 PM]

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